He’s just a
man. Just another man.
I keep
repeating that to myself, but as our eyes meet across the room
I’m not
that sure.
I turn
around and chat with the guy next to me. Try to concentrate about our
conversation,
but the man
at the stage keeps dancing around in my mind.
I take a sip
of my beer and glance at him.
He’s so
confident when he sings and the tall guy next to me notices that my infatuation
is not for him
It doesn’t seem
to bother him that much though.
I excuse
myself to go have a cigarette, very aware, that I have to cross the room
right in
front of the stage.
When he
looks at me, I get a feeling of interest that’s been hiding for a long time.
He makes me
lose the feeling of control, and I’m not use to that.
Instead of flirting
with him, I look down and giggle like I did 15 years ago.
I yell at
myself for being so insecure. I don’t recognize that side of me.
The cigarette
is lit. I close my eyes and inhale the smoke. I can feel the calmness throughout
my body.
Remember,
he’s just a man. Just another man.
Until he
looks at me again. I’m so drawn to him and it confuses me.
I get the
sense that he’s dangerous for me to be around. My attention is only on him.
I put out
the smoke and walk back to the bar.
He’s
singing something about a woman’s body while looking directly at me.
My reaction
makes him laugh and he’s struggling to find his way back to the lyrics.
I need
another beer and politely thanks the bartender.
When I turn
around, I see him coming towards me.
He’s so
polite and intense. Very different from other experiences with the male gender.
When the
break’s over, I begin to breathe again.
I don’t
know what he is doing to me and my concentration is fading.
An
overwhelming feeling of actually wanting to know this man, has taken place in my
mind.
Every time he
calls my name, I get more and more convinced, that this one won’t be forgotten,
when I go home.
Not like
the men, I’ve met before him.
When the
concert’s over, he invites me for a drink, before he has to go home.
The way he
talks make me smile, and he reads me like no one else does.
It’s a rare
and very liberating experience for me.
He tells me
things that I don’t think he talks about that often.
My smile
fades on a certain subject, and I know he notices it.
For this
one night, I won’t give it any attention.
Although I know,
it’s waiting for me to confront in the morning.
I see some
of his tells, and my confidence is finding its way back to me.
I think he
likes that version of me as well. I smile and drink the rest of my beer.
I’m so
attracted to this man, even though I know he’s not good for me.
We talk for
hours before we finally decide to go home.
As I leave him,
there’s no longer a doubt in my mind.
He is not
just another man.
This one’s
going to hurt me for a change.
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